AFFIRMING

Therapy

for the

HIGHLY SENSITIVE

AND

NEURODIVERGENT

  • “Our trait of sensitivity means we will also be cautious, inward, needing extra time alone.

    Because people without the trait (the majority) do not understand that, they see us as timid, shy, weak, or that greatest sin of all, unsociable.

    Fearing these labels, we try to be like others.

    But that leads to our becoming overaroused and distressed.

    Then that gets us labeled neurotic or crazy, first by others and then by ourselves.”

    ― Elaine Aron, The Highly Sensitive Person

  • “The world will benefit significantly from talents such as empathy, emotional intensity, certitude, sensitivity, ability to detect details, depth of thought, will to embrace, and many other things that we need in a time where alienation, coldness, superficiality, and emotional hardness are predominating.”

    Jenara Nerenberg, Divergent Mind

  • “The existence of sensitive people is an advantage for humankind because it is this group that best expresses humanity’s creative urges and needs. Through their instinctual responses the world is best interpreted. Under normal circumstances, they are artists or artisans, seekers, inventors, shamans, poets, prophets.

    There would be valid and powerful evolutionary reasons for the survival of genetic material coding for sensitivity. It is not diseases that are being inherited but a trait of intrinsic survival value to human beings.

    Sensitivity is transmuted into suffering and disorders only when the world is unable to heed the exquisitely tuned physiological and psychic responses of the sensitive individual.”

    Gabor Mate, Scattered Minds

  • “The word “autism” still conveys a fixed and dreadful meaning to most people—they visualize a child mute, rocking, screaming, inaccessible, cut off from human contact. And we almost always speak of autistic children, never of autistic adults, as if such children never grew up, or were somehow mysteriously spirited off the planet, out of society.”

    Temple Grandin, Thinking in Pictures

  • “How people use language is quite revealing. People commonly say that this adult or that child “is ADD.” That, indeed, is labeling, identifying the whole person with an area of weakness or impairment. No one is ADD, and no one should be defined or categorized in terms of it or any other particular problem.

    Recognizing a child’s ADD should be simply a way of understanding that helping him calls for some knowledgeable and creative approaches, not a judgment that there is anything fundamentally or irretrievably wrong with him. This recognition should enable us to support the child in fullfilling his potential, not to further limit him.”

    Gabor Maté, Scattered Minds

NEURODIVERSITY

Neurodiversity is the concept that neurological differences such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and other brain variances are natural and should be recognized and respected. This approach encourages us to accommodate diverse ways of thinking and processing information, promoting inclusivity and understanding.

It asks us to question the idea that being different is a disorder or deficiency, and suggests that barriers to inclusivity are responsible for the appearance of dysfunction.

We are encouraged to celebrate the strengths and skills of all people in a society to ensure everyone has the opportunity to self-actualize.

As a neurodivergent therapist, I bring my lived experience and a growing set of resources to work through challenges related to:

  • nervous system sensitivity

  • impaired executive functioning

  • social anxiety

  • rejection sensitivity

  • chronic forgetfulness and disorganization

  • emotional dysregulation

    …and the burnout cycle that comes from struggling to get through everyday tasks and situations while pretending you aren’t.

Most importantly,

I bring my own understanding to one of the primary reasons neurodivergent individuals seek therapy:

the profound sense of shame and self-loathing born of frequent misunderstandings and social blunders, facing criticism about your character (whether real or perceived), and being underestimated by those who don’t understand how you work.

Unfortunately,

there are times when advocating on behalf of cognitive diversity can provoke skepticism and animosity from others.

Other times, it just feels really confusing and awkward since this tends to be new territory for neurodivergent and neurotypical people alike.

Self-disclosure can be particularly complicated for those who tend to pass as neurotypical and/or labeled as “gifted” in some way.

This can result in some really detrimental labels and even defamation of character:

“They are Just”:

UNRELIABLE

RUDE

CARELESS

IRRESPONSIBLE

STUPID

MAKING EXCUSES

SPACEY

INCONSISTANT

LAZY

These assumptions left unresolved can lead to compromised reputations and fractured relationships, compounding issues of isolation and miscomprehension.

Repeat encounters of this nature lead to an internalized belief that the sensitive person is difficult, burdensome to others, and broken.

I understand how invalidating and exhausting this can be.

Apart from my own experiences navigating high sensitivity and negative self-image, I have also worked with many neurodivergent clients who entered therapy with the belief that their goals should revolve around finding ways to reduce, or remove, their "unacceptableness", and stop. bothering. other. people.

I get what leads someone to feel this way, and how this can create a relational pattern of being other-focused to a detrimental degree.

The recognizable term for this is “people pleasing”.

Interestingly…

People Pleasing

can be a protective adaptation with roots in complex trauma.

With C-PTSD, people feel trapped in distressing and overwhelming situations over time with no means of escape. These experiences usually start in early childhood and are interpersonal in nature.

For the neurodiverse, this can look like repeat exposure to bullying or social isolation at school, misattunement to their emotional distress and dysregulation from adults, and the judgement and punishment that follows.

This can crystallize into a general feeling that other people are unsafe, don’t care they are in distress, or know how to help them. Worse, they may learn to believe that they are a bad person who is undeserving of consideration and understanding.

Conformity and people pleasing then becomes a social survival strategy that allows you to stay under the radar and avoid social rejection and humiliation - but it isn’t sustainable and it doesn’t feel good.

Truth is,

As your therapist, I wont be able to provide you with a magic formula to gain approval from people who can’t understand or appreciate you.

I won’t try to change what makes you who you are because I don’t see your sensitivity as a problem.

…and also, what could this possibly give you other than a lifetime of playing a character?  

What I Can Do is…

  • Help you process the hard feelings. It is common to feel anger and grief as a result of experiences that caused you to feel like you were a problem and not a person.

  • Spend time getting to know the parts of yourself you may have disowned in order to adapt to unsuitable environments. We will come to appreciate your protective parts and the ways you have survived.

  • Encourage you to find acceptance of your own nature as well as meaning and motivation in your story.

  • Help you find local community support that goes beyond what I can do. This includes things like support groups, inpatient programs, naturopaths, psychiatrists, and bodyworkers. I enjoy researching and connecting clients to other local affirming providers that could help them.

  • Connect you with a variety of resources to help you understand and befriend your way of processing information and working through emotions.

  • Work with you to find effective ways to advocate for yourself in order to protect your wellbeing, energy reserves, and dignity. Each person is different, so there isn't one correct way to do this - but it's important for you to become more comfortable with asking for what you need.

Let’s focus on repairing the relationship you have with yourself.

That is always where our work will start.

I can help you get in touch with your values and appreciate your divergent qualities so that your focus shifts away from external validation.

When you learn that true acceptance can only come from within, you will be less dependent on the opinions of others.

“The world is much more ready to accept someone who is different and comfortable with it than someone desperately seeking to conform by denying himself. It's the self-rejection others react against, much more than the differentness.

So the solution for the adult is not to "fit in," but to accept his inability to conform.”

None of this is achieved by an act of will, and it is possible one will not succeed completely. That is not important.

What is important is to engage in the process, difficult as that is. Healing is not an event, not a single act. It occurs by a process; it is in the process itself.”

― Gabor Maté, Scattered Minds: The Origins and Healing of Attention Deficit Disorder

INTERESTED?

I offer a complimentary 15 min consultation to see if I could be the right therapist for you.